Why do guys go cold after a breakup?
Dealing with a break-up from a cold ex is so frustrating. It makes you wonder how your ex quickly moved from being your best friend to a stranger overnight, it hurts. It feels like you meant no more to him a disposable cup, here today, forgotten tomorrow.
There are several reasons why guys go cold after a break-up. The bitter truth is that his motives for being cold are provoked by your behavior after the break-up. Guys deal with break-ups differently. It almost seems like their perception of ended relationships is opposite to yours. Your way of dealing may be wounding to him, but you would never know.
Where he would rather ignore and let the situation fix itself, you may prefer to talk it over and get to the bottom of things. Break up sex may not mean much to him, but you, my friend, will interpret it and read meaning into it. I could go on and on forever on how differently you and your ex-lover deal with break-ups all day and still not finish.
Honestly speaking, your behavior may be what is making him pull away. Even when you don’t have the slightest idea that you are the very reason he is being distant.
I am not saying you are to blame for his aloofness entirely, but you do have a hand in it, and so does he. Realizing what you are doing that’s putting him off is the first step to escaping from this problem.
- Is there something in your behavior that is putting him off?
- A streaky of pushy and needy, maybe?
- Or was it something that happened in your relationship that proved to him that the two of you don’t function together?
Whatever the case may be, you need to realize that female behavior after or towards a break-up can turn on the “time to be cold” switch in your man’s mind. In your pursuit of closure, be mindful of these triggers. Like asking questions, answers to which he cannot or won’t give, followed by numerous calls and texts about the same thing only repeated in a thousand different ways.
Well, that’s just one of the reasons why guys go cold after a break-up, but the only one you could avoid before-hand by merely being more sensitive and tuned to your man. Here are 9 more reasons why your ex is being cold after the break-up.
It was over for him long before the actual break up.
Some men go cold after a relationship because they break up with you before the real break up. They decide already that the relationship is over long before they summon the courage to tell you.
After the break-up, while you are just processing the loss of emotions, he is already many steps ahead. He already processed when he broke it off a week, month, or a year earlier. He has long moved on by the time you are just beginning the process.
His quick recovery from a situation that is still affecting you is shocking to you, making him come off as cold. How else did he move on so fast if he was really invested? You may quiz yourself. He simply began his race way ahead of you.
Cutting communication with you might just be the only way he can let go.
Guys go cold after a breakup because talking about the break-up and lost love brings uncomfortable feelings to the surface, making it harder for him to move on. He doesn’t want it to end yet, even though it has been decided that it is over. So he is trying to catch up by cutting communication with you to get over you.
He realizes that nothing he says will correct all the wrongs, so why would he even bother to say a thing? It’s easier for him to say nothing at all.
Is he just going cold, or was he laid back all along?
Sometimes he isn’t just going cold after the breakup; he has been low-key withdrawn throughout the relationship. Though it is common for psychopaths to have such traits, any guy who is not ready for a healthy relationship could also be this toxic.
Does it feel like no matter how unjudging or connected you are to a man, he always keeps you at arm’s length? Like he has never really and never will let you fully into his space.
If that’s your case, you are dealing with a man that has been distant all long. The break up only magnified it and made it more apparent to you.
He is enjoying his newfound freedom.
We can all admit that some relationships are stifling, and when it is over, and he can’t thank your gods enough for removing the throne from his flesh, is a reason enough for him to go cold after a breakup.
Once he is out of that relationship (good riddance, by the way), there is no way he is willing to do anything that might drag him into the relationship. He likes the newfound freedom too much to even dream of jeopardizing it.
He has a new girlfriend.
It might be had for you to believe, but he could have already started seeing someone else. I know it’s a little too soon. But well, when has love ever respected time?
If he has moved on, he has no business reigniting old flames with you. He might even start avoiding you like a plague.
He is consumed with guilt.
The pain he caused haunts him.
He is over you.
Some guys go cold after a breakup because they don’t care anymore.
When he is finally over you, you just don’t excite him anymore. He even isn’t going out of his way to be cold. The disinterest he feels for you is so cold that it’s almost tangible.
At this stage, he just doesn’t care at all. He isn’t investing any emotions he has in a way given up on you.
He is dealing with issues unrelated to you.
We are so self-centered that’s why we believe that everything he does is about us. We are so full of ourselves. He could be dealing with something totally unrelated to you. It isn’t always about you.
What happens to a guys’ pride after a break-up.
A guy’s pride is wounded after the break-up, especially when you are the one who called off the relationship. In his head, he thinks that the reason you broke up with him is that he doesn’t measure up. Nothing bruises a guy’s ego like the fear of being found inadequate.
But even if he is the one who called off the relationship, if he really likes you, the fact that your ex has failed at something he was invested in will haunt his pride. A breakup challenges a man’s ego and forces him to go cold.
Some men will become distant and withdrawn when their egos have bruised. If your ex felt emasculated by you, he might be cold towards you because he resents you for making him feel inadequate.
What is a guys’ behavior after the break-up?
How do guys behave after a break-up? Why do guys act the way they do after a break-up?
There are so many misconceptions about guys and break-ups.
- When a guy’s relationship ends, he wastes no time in replacing her.
- He’s just hooking up with Ashley to spite his ex-girlfriend.
- Guys just don’t care.
The universal facts about men’s behavior after the break-up differ from the misconceptions because misconceptions are highly prejudicial and rarely ever true. A list below shows some typical behavioral patterns found in a man after a breakup.
He could become the guy who goes cold and withdraws after the break-up.
Once a relationship ends for many men, it is over for good. Men don’t want to sit around and talk about spilled milk. If it isn’t building the relationship or making the break-up easier. It is not helping in any way. He will not waste time on it.
He would rather ghost out and go mute than engage in meaningless conversation. Sometimes when a man is cold to you, it is just a behavioral coping mechanism to the break-up.
A list below shows other ways guys cope with breakups.
He could potentially be the guy who straight away moves into another relationship.
These kinds of men are looking for a rebound. A man who does this has unresolved issues that he is trying to suppress other than dealing with whatever is affecting him.
He might also be looking for validation from women. We are a generation of broken children who find their identity in the affirmation of others. He certainly isn’t alone on the quest for outside validation.
He might become the guy who dumps his woman because there is a better girl around the corner.
If he can do this, he was never in love with his woman to start with. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be out spotting for the next big thing if he was satisfied with what he already had.
Become the guy who sleeps with as many women as he can
He is the rampage, and nothing anyone says will stop him. A breakup sales his conscience and decided to live every day like his last
That normal guy.
If everyone began at this stage before starting any new relationships, it would save everyone else subsequent break-ups from unresolved issues.
Signs he is hurting after the break-up.
Break-ups hurt so severely that it actually hurts physically as well. Wondering if a break-up hurt your ex as well? As a matter of fact, yes. Men do feel pain after the break too. The break-up’s pain may make some men withdraw and curl up into a ball child as though hiding would make it all go away.
In case you still don’t believe that break-ups hurt men too and want to confirm for yourself, I got you. Here are sneaky signs that he is in pain even though he is trying so hard to hide it.
He is cold, withdrawn, and distant.
This is a sign if he is usually bubbly and sweet to you, and then all over a sudden, he begins acting tough and distant. Generally speaking, when a man you used to date is all over a sudden acting cold, aloof, or is avoiding you, it is a sign. That is a sign that he is still nursing the pain from heartbreak. Seeing you or even entertaining a conversation with you takes him back to square one. He has to start the healing process again.
He tries to act fine.
If a man is acting OK and macho, it is in the name. It’s all an act. If he was terrific, he wouldn’t need to prove anything to anyone. You see, the fact that he is trying so hard to come-off as OK is a sign that deep down he isn’t. The next time you notice this, give that brother a hug; God knows he deserves it.
He blocked you on social media.
Take yourself as an example; why would you block or unfollow anyone? Most probably the pain you feel when you see their posts. The same goes for the boys out there. He is blocking you because all the story updates showing how happy you are without him make him feel more depressed than he already is.
He has been bad-mouthing you.
It hurts him that you’re happy without him. He would do just about anything to make you share in his misery even if he has to drag your name in the mad. If he is willing to stoop this low, he is in so much pain, he is almost running insane.
He just can’t seem to move on. Even rebounds can’t help him.
A man can end a three years relationship and wed three days later. If a person capable of moving this fast has failed to even sustain a rebound. You can imagine what agony he is going through.
He is guilty.
Guilt is an uncomfortable feeling. It keeps it’s on you until you try to make things right. No guilty person is happy. Where there is guilt, there is bound to pain.
If you notice any of the above signs, do not be fooled by the man’s “I am strong and have to act like a man” attitude, he is hurting. Men do share in with you in the pain of losing love.
After a break-up he doesn’t call.
Communication is relational. Men stop contacting you after the break-up because, to him, the relationship is also cut. Continued communication denotes interest on his part. After the break-up, the man is no longer interested.
So to avoid leading you on or being caught in complicated situations, a man will most often than not cut communication.
Also, some men just hate you after the break-up, and talking to you isn’t an option for them.
They do so majorly to conform to societal stereotypes and norms.
Society demands that men man-up.
The biggest reason your ex-boyfriend (who is actually in a lot of pain) would act like he doesn’t care is to save himself from being ridiculed for acting weak.
Men like to come off as strong and in control of their lives. When he admits that he is affected by the break-up, it makes him worry about sounding like he lost control.
This is why he would rather feign indifference even when it is killing them inside.
The exact period it takes a guy to miss you is dependent on many factors, particularly the character of the man and his personal experience of the relationship with you.
If he had a beautiful experience, he is bound to miss you sooner, thanks to oxytocin and dopamine, than if it was a bumpy ride, from day one.
The aspects of his character that affect when he starts to miss are;
An independent man has a lot going on for him. He occupies his time. Quite frankly, he will not have the gap to think about the good old days and miss you.
These men actually have a life and will use their interests and hobbies to divert their attention from you.
Then are the guys who simply don’t know what they want. They are highly indecisive and disorganized individuals generally. They never settle.
His attention to you will vary every now and then. They are highly unpredictable and will drag you on an eternal journey of missing you, followed by absence. Then missing you all over again. It never ends.
An insecure man uses it as a source of validation for his insecurities. He will miss you when he needs confirmation from you and discard right after only to return when next he needs affirmation. He will miss you as soon as his insecurities seep in.
Men often say hurtful things after you break up with him. But why?
He is angry. He is miserable and wants to make you as dissatisfied as he can. Misery seeks company.
The bottom line is that guys could go cold after a relationship for many reasons.
Most often than not, it’s because he despises you for the pain and hurt you brought to him by breaking up with him.
Even if he is the one who called it off, he still holds you accountable for the pain.
Mama Nkima is college graduate who ended up a spiritual guide. Graduated to become a teacher but calling never gave up no matter how I tried to run.
I teach and guide about relationships, but i also learn about a lot of relationship issues from my clients. I love to share that knowledge with others.
I share mostly knowledge about marital infidelity, Husband Mistress affairs, Cheating Husbands affairs and more.