should i get back together with my ex

Should I get back together with my ex?

There is a saying that goes, “sometimes the universe sends your ex back into your life to check if you are still stupid”. This saying is a bit harsh but you are really asking yourself, should I get back together with my ex?

It is good that you are questioning your reasoning. But the mere fact that you are considering it makes me think that you two didn’t really make a clean break.

Sure it is possible for two people to find their ways back to each other and there’s no problem in that.
However, you don’t want to be played a full and end up committing into a relationship that winds up putting you in a situation you once escaped.

Revisit the original reason for the breakup

My first answer to your question, should I get back together with my ex is simple. Revisit the reason why you broke up.

I am sure you remember why the two of you decided to end things. Ask yourself if should you go back to your ex, won’t the same problem still be there?

If yes, then it goes without saying that your reasoning is irrational. What do you expect to be different this time around?

Ask yourself if your partner has changed. Have you changed? Have the circumstances that led to your breakup changed?

If nothing has changed then ask yourself why are you feeling pulled to be in this relationship?

If your partner could not deal with the issues you had in the past what makes you think he/she will be able to now?

Don’t get back together because you are lonely

My second answer to your question, should I get back together with my ex is simple. Ask yourself if you could be going back to him/her because you are lonely.

Being lonely or tired of being single is not reason enough to reconnect with your ex. You need to learn to be content even when you are alone.

Many people find themselves back in toxic relationships because they felt lonely. What you need to understand is it would be far better for you to be in a relationship because you love the person not because you need them.

Learning to be alone in a healthy way is actually good for your mental health.

Ask yourself the big whys

My third answer to your question, should I get back together with my ex is simple. Why is this person coming back to you?

To be more clear how is this person coming back to you. The fact that you two separated means there were irreconcilable differences. You now need to assess whether the two of you have moved passed these.

Is this person sorry for what they might have done to you? Is he/she showing any remorse and regret when they come to you? Basically what you need to assess is if they deserve to be forgiven and another chance .

Do you without any doubt believe that this person will not return to his/her hurtful ways? If you answer is no to these questions, my question is then why do you want to put yourself through the same pain you went through?

It is highly possible that you could be addicted to being around this person. And this could be because he/she is highly manipulative among other things. In this case, I highly advise you to take some time away from this person and definitely do not recommit to him/her.

Consider the deal breakers

My fourth answer to your question, should I get back together with my ex is simple. Is he/she willing to compromise?

What I’m trying to say is you need to have certain deal breakers in mind while thinking of going back to him.

Maybe you have a situation that he/she didn’t handle well when you were together. Is he/she willing to act differently towards it now? If the answer is no then, unfortunately, it would be best for you to be alone.

You have certain life decisions and plans you need to make. Is he/she on board with them? Is he/she willing to compromise and help you achieve your goals?

Maybe you want children, commitments and he/she doesn’t. You need to be stern on what you want for your future. Do not let someone’s dream for your life determin yours.

Your problems can be resolved

My fifth answer to your question, should I get back together with my ex is simple. Can you resolve your past mistakes? Maybe your mistakes were not too substantial.

You may have broken up hastily. Do you feel like you were both irrational when you broke up? was there no substantial reason to why you had to break a perfectly good relationship? Then it may be best to get back together with your ex.

In some cases people break up just to prove a point or to exercise power in the relationship even though they don’t want to break up.

If this sounds like your situation, the two of you need to sit down and talk about the manner in which you manage your conflicts.

Understand that conflicts are unavoidable but there are better ways to settle a dispute with someone you love.

What to do when you decide to get back together

Avoid getting into a cycle of trying to prove to each other that things are different this time around. You definitely should sit down and talk about things you want to avoid but do not hold this as a do or die for your partner.

Allow the relationship to naturally progress and re-establish itself as a new relationship. You need to give the relationship enough room to be whatever it will become.

Do not expect things to go back to the way they used to be immediately. Give each other enough time to adjust.

Create an atmosphere where the two of you can communicate whatever is bothering you. Make sure that you hold strict meetings where you address the visions both of you have for the relationship.

Establish whether these visions can work together. If not and no one is willing to compromise then consider moving on to other people.

Give each other enough time to adjust.

Create an atmosphere where the two of you can communicate whatever is bothering you. Make sure that you hold strict meetings where you address the visions both of you have for the relationship.

Establish whether these visions can work together. If not and no one is willing to compromise then consider moving on to other people.

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