Are you finding yourself saying “I don’t know how to love”? Love is a very complex thing to grasp. And even when we feel that we are receiving this love we may not know how to respond to it. This is tricky because love is a reciprocal activity. The person who loves you will require love from you.
This is a problem for someone like you who believe she doesn’t know how to love. However, there is hope. Love is an emotion that is expressed through behavior and behavior can be learned.
People perceive love differently. What you may think is love could be common behavior to someone else. The first step you need to take in learning how to love is to learn what you consider to be love.
It is very possible that you are not showing love because you are anxious about what is the acceptable way of showing it.
The science of love
The first thing you need to know as a person who says you don’t know how to love is that love is science. It is not just feelings, it is chemical reactions. It’s a combination of chemical and physical reaction to the external stimuli that is the person you love.
So you can rest assured that as long as you are a human being, you have the bodily organs and functions to love. The action might be laying dormant in you but if stimulated enough it can be ignited.
Love is a biological program that can be activated in all of us. You may not feel it at the moment but this doesn’t mean you will never feel it or that you cannot feel it.
It is also possible that you just haven’t met the right person for you. This is a person who understands and loves you even knowing all your flaws and mistakes.
Perhaps you think you have met enough people who have shown interest in you but you never felt the same. My question is then, did you give them a chance to show you what love is? If not I advise you do.
Types of love
There are different kinds of love one can experience. If you think you don’t know how o love it is clever to ask yourself what kind of love do you fail to express. That way you will be targeting the problem and moving closer to the solution.
Are you perhaps idolizing romantic love? You may be waiting to feel those butterflies that television speaks of that you believe correspond with romantic love.
However, if you do not feel those butterflies in the stomach yet you deeply care and respect a person is that not love?
I propose you look at the different close relationships you have with the people around you. Ask yourself how you feel about them and how you love them. You will find that you are already showing a few people love simply through caring for them.
This is the first step, that you care for someone else’s wellbeing other than your own. This is great love that you can show to someone else.
Do not obsess over romantic love. It does not come as easily as it looks on television. Often times romantic love grows out of years of friendship and getting to know a person.
Exposure to love
One thing you need to understand is that if you have not been exposed to examples of love in your life you will find it difficult to show love to others. This is a sad reality for people who grew up with parents and siblings who neglected them.
If you think you don’t know how to love you need to put yourself in those uncomfortable situations where you see people loving each other.
Through them, you can learn how to love and even improve on the way they love. If you don’t know how to love you are probably one of those people who think people who show love are pretending. This is a mindset you need to get rid of.
Love requires trust. Even though there is a possibility that the person you trust with your heart may hurt you, you give your heart away by trusting them all in the sake of love.
So put yourself in that uncomfortable situation of seeing others love each other as they love you. You will definitely make a few errors of social behavior at first but with the time you will soon adjust and you will not even recognize that you are learning new traits.
After some time of applying behaviors of love, you will be able to love others and it will even surprise you. So rest assured that your situation can change.
The first relationship that you will have will be between you and yourself. You spend 100% of your time with yourself. And you can teach yourself so much about love.
Through experience, you will learn how you do not want to be loved and how you want to be loved. Once you register this distinction you can the start to apply it to others by saying you would not like to love others the way you wouldn’t want to be loved.
This consideration will get you far in your relationships with others. People like to know that the person they are with considers their feelings when they act towards them.
Fears and vulnerability
If you say you don’t know how to love you can easily find that you are actually scared to love. This is because you have fears that you might be rejected by those you love.
You are good at having surface relationships with people but once things get deep and you see that the two of you are relaxing your trust muscles you will soon get scared of the prospect of rejection.
Keep in mind what I said in the beginning. You need to hope that the people you give your trust will not break it. this is the only way you will experience real love.
My name is Tabs Thabsile I am the Head of Marketing at Lonely Tear. Also I am a freelance writer who is finally starting to find success doing my dream job. Writing is my passion. I am lucky enough to be able to combine many of my favorite things, writing, parenting, gaming, and sci-fi. I am open to writing about anything and will do the research to make sure I am writing accurately and factually about any topic.